I’ve recently discovered that someone I’m sweet on doesn’t return the feelings. It makes me wonder: am I not pretty enough? Young enough? Clever enough? We’ve all experienced rejection–either the giving or receiving. And while most of us would agree that rejecting someone rather than being rejected is preferable, either way it’s a tough business. The sort of thing in need of the touch from a fairy godmother’s magic wand.
It’s funny how it gets both easier and harder over the years as we accumulate the romantic disappointments. Harder in that each fresh let-down weighs a little heavier and we wonder if we’ll ever find a partner, someone who GETS us. Let’s face it, we all want to be loved and desired and seen. It gets easier in that, as we mature, we have a stronger sense of self and (hopefully) take it a little less personally.
Haven’t most of us had at least one friendship where the other person hoped it might turn into something more and we didn’t feel the same? It’s not that there is anything particularly WRONG with the admirer, just that we aren’t attracted to them physically. It doesn’t mean they’re unattractive. I’m trying to bear that in mind even though my ego struggles with this one.
Silky had a world of admirers, a plethora of lovers and five husbands and, even for her, making a relationship stick wasn’t effortless. So my pathetic notion that beautiful people have it easier is pretty much null and void (as well as ego-based!).
If a person I admire is on the fence about their feelings for me, I’m taking that as a “no.” Next. I have absolutely no desire to try to convince someone to choose me. Promoting myself and arguing my admirable qualities has always made me uncomfortable–I’m not a sales person. It sounds torturous and futile. Either they’re “all in” or we’re done. Game over.
I understand that deep, developing feelings for a person can sometimes take time–I can be a little cautious and slow with the process myself. But I want someone who thinks I’m the cat’s pajamas. The bees knees. I am enough and I want reciprocation. Until then, It’s just crushing. Because there’s no place like home.